We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
