the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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