I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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