Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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