I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
