The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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