dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
