You just made me feel so damn special
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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