i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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