I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Please don't give away my fajitas
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
