You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!