the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.