fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD