I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.