How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children