I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.