i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
