Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
