I am in a vortex of obligation.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
