I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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