I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
