My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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