so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
