I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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