a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think your dad took our porno
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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