in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
