I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
