i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
