And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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