what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's never too late to be topless.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
