Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it because I queefed?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
