Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
