If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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