I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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