Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
