Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
