It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
