My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
