If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
