my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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