Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
