I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
