your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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