Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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