it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
