after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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