Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
