I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
