I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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