She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
