btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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