No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
