Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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