how can u be prego again
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
