We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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