the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
