it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
