You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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