Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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