I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
