He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
