We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
