Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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