Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
