She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
