i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
