i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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