He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
