How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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