OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
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I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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