dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
