we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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