About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
