Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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