Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
