Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
