I feel great
I just peed on a car
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
