i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
