she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
