i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im holly from the hills drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
