wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
