"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
