yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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