Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
