dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
