Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
